It’s extraordinary really
How we all carry on
When our hearts are breaking
Our lives are crumbling
When so much is going wrong
But still we keep on going
Leave our beds, go to work, make small talk
We find pockets of joy
And laugh with the tears
Because life can be both light and dark
You think we’d be quicker to realise
Considering all we’ve been through
That when people are a bit weird or rude
It’s because they’re struggling too
Or maybe they’re just massive dickheads
Doing their usual dickish things
But if we don’t know for sure
We could choose to be kind
Because kindness always wins
Except it doesn’t really though, does it?
It’s not as simple as that
But it’s a good place to start
It feels good to be kind
Because it spreads, it grows, it comes back
Dear Cooper and Finn
Dear Cooper and Finn
3rd December 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
While we were queving at the post office today I saw a box full of leather effect pocket diaries on the counter. And it made me a bit sad that they probably won’t sell many. That one day no one will buy them anymore and they’ll stop making them. They were just like my gran used to buy and my mam still buys now. Whenever I tell her what dates we’ll be visiting she writes them straight down in there so she knows not to make any appointments at the same time, because she wants to see us as much as possible. I don’t want her to ever not do that. X X
Dear Cooper and Finn
2nd December 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
One of you made a noise just as I was about to go to sleep and I was thrilled at the excuse to go into your room and look at you again. You sleep well most of the time (thank you) so sometimes when you do wake in the night and I get to spend extra time with you while the rest of the world sleeps, it feels like the most special, secret joy. Other times I feel so exhausted I feel physically sick. But sometimes it really is the most wonderful treat. Xxx
Dear Cooper and Finn
Dear Cooper and Finn
27th November 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
What a lovely day out! Probably the first one we’ve had that I wouldn’t describe as nice but chaotic, or nice but stressful. It was just nice. It was nice even though our arms ached from carrying you round the aquarium so you could smile at all the creatures. It was nice even though we ate our hot dogs dodging rain drips under a bridge because we’re still too scared to take you in restaurants. It was nice despite and because of all of those things. XXX
Dear Cooper and Finn
23rd November 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
I slipped over on a spilt drink in Liverpool last week when we were celebrating our friend Chrissy’s 40th birthday. I didn’t think it was broken because they told me it wasn't at the hospital, and the pain felt similar to the time I slipped over on a (very slippy) zebra crossing in Magaluf when celebrating our friend Jemma’s hen do and overtensed the ligaments in my arm. Anyway, it turns out it is actually fractured. I got a letter from the hospital today apologising for missing it on the x-ray, and as soon as I read it my arm suddenly felt a lot more painful. I had to go to A&E to get checked out again and the doctor told me I need to rest it for four weeks! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Xxx
Dear Cooper and Finn
15th November 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
You had your first ride in a trolley today! I used to love going to the supermarket when I was little. We’d start off in the pasta aisle (or maybe we didn’t, but that’s the first bit I remember) and I’d pick up a packet of tricolore spaceship pasta. I was inconsolable when they stopped making it! Then we’d get a lovely big fresh white baguette and mam and dad let me tear off a chunk to keep me quiet on the way round, then I’d wash it down with a carton from our six-pack of tropical juice that I’d still be slurping on when we went through the checkout. X X
Dear Cooper and Finn
14th November 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
I thought nothing could beat your perfect gummy toothless smiles but now you’ve both got two perfect little stumpy teeth right in the middle of your mouth at the top, and another two at the bottom directly below them, and it’s the best thing I ' ve ever seen. X X X
Dear Cooper and Finn
13th November 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
I had no idea how much joy I’d get from seeing you do things for the first first time. You just suddenly started clapping in the car, and when I spotted you in the mirror I was so giddy with excitement I genuinely considered pulling over and flagging down some cars so they could come and have a look and feel what I was feeling. In the middle of the Al motorway. I didn’t of course. I just carried on driving and thought about how lucky I was to have seen it myself. XXX
Dear Cooper and Finn
9th November 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
You're almost ten months old now, and I’ve been back at work for almost six. I'm very lucky that I work from home and I do a lot of work in the evenings, so I get to spend way more time with you than other people who work full time get to spend with their kids. I’ve got a job I love, and I still get to look after you. I‘ve got it all! It’s intense though. To cram it all in I can’t afford to waste a single moment of the day. I flick the kettle on to boil and run upstairs with the clean washing. I cook the next day’s meal while you’re eating your tea. I hoover under the sofas while you’re crawling about on the floor. I write things for work in my head while I’m busy doing other things, and repeat them over and over until I get chance to write them down. It’s exhausting, but it's my choice to do it
like this. For me it’s worth it, and for the most part I enjoy it. It’s not possible to completely understand why someone makes the choices they do, because you can never fully understand what it’s like to be them. You don’t have exactly the same experiences that they do, and even if you did, you wouldn’t experience them in the exact same way. so rather than worrying too much about what other people are doing and why, you have to try and trust that they’re doing the right thing for them in the circumstances. And if they’re not, hopefully they’ll work it out for themselves in the end. XXX
Dear Cooper and Finn
5th November 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
I’ve just watched Season 2 Episode 4 of The Wire (not for you until you’re over 21), and I laughed when Nick said dinner was tuna surprise. When I was younger my mam would make 'lentil surprise' for tea, only she pronounced it 'surpreese’ to make it sound more exotic and exciting. Dad and I groaned when she told us what we were having, because it was the least exciting meal ever. It's only now I understand that she was trying to make the most of not a lot. I’ll be forever grateful for that. XXX
Dear Cooper and Finn
3rd November 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
We met baby Georgie today! She weighed almost nothing and fell asleep on me after about 3 minutes, and you two slid around the floor trying to pull things off the shelves. I thought you were still small, but all of a sudden I could see how much you’d grown. I used to think that when people marvelled at how much kids had grown that it was just small talk, something to fill the air with. Now I understand it’s because they really are amazed. X X X
Dear Cooper and Finn
31st October 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
After a full-on morning getting us all ready to leave the house, I arrived at Cannon Street Station a little peckish. I‘ll pop into M&S and grab a sandwich, I thought. It sounds so easy when I say it like that. Only M&S is crowded and cramped, and your buggy is pretty big, so I struggled to even get close enough to the sandwiches to pick one. After being showered with tuts and sighs by people who clearly thought they were more entitled to a sandwich than me, I eventually got my hands on a prawn mayonnaise. Level 1 complete. Now I just had to make it through the queue. It looked tricky, and I considered trying to quickly dash through it alone, but I thought it would be frowned upon if I left you behind the Percy Pigs rack. We got down the first leg of the queue OK, but the turn was too tight for us so I had to reverse out to the sound of more tuts and sighs and abandon the sandwich I’d fought so hard to get amidst the flapjacks and brownie bars. Then I flounced out in tears, and pushed you down a step forwards because it suited my flounce better than turning round and going down it backwards sensibly, almost tipping you out in the process. Reading this back now I should have just asked someone for help. It would have been nice if someone offered too. I’ll be more inclined to do both in future. XXX
Dear Cooper and Finn
30th October 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
Deciding to have fish and chips is one of my favourite things about having fish and chips. It’s not so much the act of eating them that I love so much (although that is very nice), but more the build-up. I love when the idea to have it first strikes, just as you’re thinking you can’t be bothered to cook tea. Then you bat it away quickly you should stick to the plan and cook something nutritious! But fish and chips would be so nice, and then you wouldn’t have to cook. You float the idea past someone else and their eyes light up. It’s decided, you’re doing it. Someone goes off to get them, and whoever stays behind gets everything ready. Out comes the salt, vinegar and ketchup (even though they’ll already have salt and vinegar on). Into the oven go the plates (you’ve gotta warm the plates!). And then onto the plates go those delicious warm parcels, ready to unwrap and enjoy. Yum. XXX
Dear Cooper and Finn
24th october 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
It’s time to go back home. Thank you for the most wonderful time. I don’t think you’ve ever cried so hard or so loud as you have on this holiday. But you‘ve never laughed as hard or as long either. Playing the dummy spitting-out game on our bed together gave me our favourite afternoon ever, and I want to always be able to feel the air vibrate with your glorious giggles and see your eyes shine and your cheeks shake, just as they did that day. XXX
Dear Cooper and Finn
20th October 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
We're in Mount Washington now. It’s very beautiful and peaceful. I felt so relaxed this afternoon after we’d been for a walk that I asked your dad to go and get us a drink while you napped, even though I knew yould wake up as soon as he brought them over. Which you did. You‘ve changed so much since we’ve been away. You can now open drawers and cupboards, and I spend a lot of time watching you explore, trying to make sure you don’t hurt yourself, and helping you up when you do. Like I’m going to be doing for the foreseeable future, I suppose. If I see you making decisions that I think might end in pain, I can try and use my experience to advise against them, but ultimately it's up to you. I’m not always right. Maybe climbing on that thing won’t end in disaster. But I‘ll be here for you if it does. X X X
Dear Cooper and Finn
18th October 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
We went up Cadillac mountain this morning to watch the sun rise. It was a bold move, since we had to wake you up at 5.30 am to get up there in time. ‘Never wake a sleeping baby!’ is the first rule random strangers like to dish out unsolicited in the queve at the supermarket, but we‘ve broken that tons of times already when getting you into The Routine (tm) so we weren't worried. Plus (and this is rather petty) we quite enjoy the novelty of waking you up for a change when usually it’s the other way round. And since Cadillac mountain is the first place to view sunrise in the US at this time of year, we were really keen to try and see it. And we made it! We saw the sky going red above the sea as the sun touched it for the first time. Then we decided it was way too cold and windy for you two so we took you back to the car, and by the time I got back to the viewpoint to take some photos there was a massive grey cloud in the way! Nature can be so annoying sometimes. Then we went to Jordan's in Bar Harbor for some of their famous blueberry pancakes. And what a glorious success it was, until we tried to clean some snot off your faces and you let us know rather loudly that you much preferred your pancakes with a side of snot thanks very much. And then we met a lady who is an identical twin and her husband said they were almost completely identical except her sister had a mole on her left breast. LOL · And then he shouted “BOO" at you in a scary voice and made you cry and we left very quickly after that. XXX
Dear Cooper and Finn
17th October 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
We went for a walk around Jordan pond today. We were looking for beavers but we didn’t have any luck unfortunately. About ten minutes into our walk we realised we’d dropped one of your mittens, Finn, so your dad went back for it and some kind soul had picked it up and put it on a post because that’s what you do when you find a lost glove. X X X
Dear Cooper and Finn
16th October 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,
We made it to Bar Harbor yesterday. The drive here was lovely – Maine has some very quaint towns. We’ve got to that stage of the holiday where I keep counting how many full days and nights we have left on my fingers, desperate to find some extra time somewhere. We went into Acadia National Park today and did the ship Harbor Walk, where a kind man offered to take our photo. | appreciate it so much when people do that, and I always try and offer too. Afterwards we had a drive up Cadillac Mountain. We could see for miles! But the wind was quite literally taking your breath away so we had to get back in the car. We were going to try and go out for tea as I really wanted a lobster roll, but we thought you might not be up for it. So we got takeaway and enjoyed it once you were asleep instead. Far more sensible. XXX